a letter a day

Doing this on Blogger, because not as many people see it as on tumblr. but it's still there if someone looks hard enough. (;

Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

insane.

1: have you ever had the impulse to slam your head violently into a wall?

2: all the time darling, its my second biggest impulse next to punching people in the face.

1: Why don't you?

2: Punch people in the face?

1: yeah.

2: i guess i realize it wouldn't help.

1: Help what?

2: Now thats the question.

narrowing it down.

i've narrowed down the colleges i'm thinking of applying to. i might add more or delete some as time goes on, depending. Most of them are east coast school, with a few exceptions. i've slip them into three categories, as you see.

The "not in a million years, you silly naive girl!" List.
( obviously,this is the list tha is not going to happen, but its worth applying to. Just in case they need a minority. )
1. Haverford College
2. Swarthmore College
3. Cornell University


The " still probably a no, but worth the shot" List
( i have a better chance for these, if i don't fuck up senior year, and do the shit i need to do. but.... still no. )
1. Fordham University
2. Pepperdine University
3. Sarah Lawrence College


The" More realistic, but still kinda ehhh" List
( more likely then not, i'll go to one of these.but you never know, they may all deny me )
1. Union College
2. UC Sand Diego
3. Occidental




or if all else fails. COMMUNITY COLLEGE.

Rock For Equality

Today, i went to a rally.
i took mostly video, but here are a few pictures i have of the rally.

romeo, save me.

Is it corny to say that this medley totally gets me? because it so does.

school vs. education

"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."- Mark Twain

Now i believe in school, that children should be taught to read and write and things of that nature. These are necessities for children, in order for them to have the skills necessary to thrive in society and keep up w/ the world as it progresses. However, once children are older, lets say around the teens ( particularly those in their final years of high school and college) school has the ability to hinder education rather than aid it. The structure of classrooms, the rules, and the standards can all contribute to the loss of unique and individual thought.

Let me explain this idea a little. Lets take english for example, we learn to read when we're quite young. We learn the alphabet, write our name, form sentences, and eventually to read and write our thoughts down on paper. then we get a little older, we learn to write in a structured format, read books that are assigned to us ( at this age more for the sake of reading). The we get even older, ( lets say high school now) and we're forced to become even more structured with our writing, to follow strict formats and read books that are not only assigned to be read, but to dissect it and analyze it and write essays on it and to beat it to a pulp until a book we normally would have enjoyed makes us cringe.Personally, i can prove this. I used to love to read, i used to read all the time, and i honestly i could not read enough. Then i went to high school were i was required to read certain books. Now don't get me wrong, i'm learning to appreciate all the books i've read so far in high school, they were all required for a reason. But the point is all these assignments and standards made me not want to read as much as before, especially since my time was consumed by doing the assignments and not enjoying the book. They give us the assignments to help us understand and absorb the book, but really it just makes us lose interest in it at all.

I think europe has it right. children should be going to university/college much earlier than the age they do in the US. but sadly i live in the US. i do understand the necessity of school, but it does get in the way of education sometimes. i used to love to learn. but now i don't learn, i go to school. But this is just a build up for the days of late college (after the first two years) and the rest of my life, where you truly start to learn.

50 before 33.

1. Visit Chile
2. Go on a road trip across the US
3. go to disney world & the wizarding world in florida
4. swim with dolphins and/or whales
5. travel to england and search for magic
6. learn to speak spanish
7. go sky diving
8. visit the great barrier reef
9. go to a pub in Scotland or Ireland
10. go zorbing in New Zealand
11. Join the Peace Corps
12. make a full length documentary
13. get a tattoo
14. learn to change my own oil, pump my own gas, and change a tire
15. become fluent in french, portuguese, or german.
16. learn to read and write in latin and/or sanskrit.
17. take a dance class
18. watch a sunset on the beach with someone i love
19. get married
20. participate in NANOWRIMO
21. audition for a reality show
22. see the northern lights
23. take my grandmother to paris and my mother to Jamaica
24. mend my relationship with my sister
25. run 5 miles without stopping
26. swim 1 mile in the ocean w/out stopping
27. learn to surf
28. see a broadway musical
29. learn to play the piano or the violin
30. learn to drive a stick shift
31. get into a fight
32. stop biting mu nails
33. get drunk
34. spend a christmas/ new years in NYC
35. hold a baby tiger
36. go to school on the east coast
37. ride an elephant
38. take the subway to the beach
39. kiss somebody in the rain
40. become a certified lifeguard
41. backpack across europe
42. learn how to cook
43. pitch an idea for a television show
44. see snow
45. jump off a cliff
46. have a picnic by a waterfall
47. find my calling
48. take more pictures and write more
49. try my hand in acting
50. disappear for at least a week

spare change.

Lately, i've been having the feeling that this year is going to be significant. Like this year something is going to happen or change. Not for the good or for the worse, but just in general. I think about what in store for me this year, what choices and opportunities have already been thrown at me, and how much has changed already, and i feel more than a bit overwhelmed. But i know that its time for things to change, i want them to change;I need them to change. I am very scared though. because change isn't always good. But i know its for the better in the end. Things don't always work out as we plan, but they do work out in some way, and i guess all we can do in life is take change in stride and move on and try to make things work.

This year is going to be different. significant. potentially beautiful and potentially tragic. I think i'm ready. No, i know i am.

but i'm still scared. but then again, maybe we're always meant to be.

ma vie est une montagne de rouge.

life is a rollercoaster, that much is true.

but i'm scared of rollercoasters.

terrified actually.

anticipation, a build up and then a fall.
scream, cry, hold you're breath until you turn blue.
panic attacks that lead to astham attacks.

thats how a rollercoaster feels like to me.

i'm yelling at the attendant, telling him to lift the bar, i can't handle this, i'm not brave enough, i want off, please get me off.

but no one listens.the ride starts and i sit there a helpless wreck.



couldn't we have just ridden the carousel instead?

sleepovers. (

So today, my sister went to a sleepover. My mother never ever ever, let me go to a sleepover.(*bitter*) But she DID let me go to thailand, ( which doesnt make sense to me) so i honestly can't complain. i know she didnt let us go because she was worried. I had to convince her to let my sister go. which i did because i want my sister to be able to experience a sleepover, something i've never gotten to.which leads me to the subject of this blog: my ongoing desire for a sleepover. i've seen all the movies where a bunch of friends have a big sleepover, with games and food, and girly things. It just looks like something that is an important part of being young. i've always wanted to stay up late w/ friends, do each others make-up, play silly games and things like that. so yeah, this year i shall make it my mini goal to sleepover at someones house. it's about time.

"which road do i take?"

Alice came to a fork in the road.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
"Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat.
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."

-Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

putting Harry Potter into anything makes it that much better.

proof of course:

to the tune of fireflies by owl city. i don't really like the original, but this version makes me smile every time. The name of the band is ALL CAPS. [ ] a ron/hermione story. ' Lumos Flies'



the lyrics:

You would not believe your eyes
I know that it sounds unwise
she's so smart and yeah, she's just a friend

But she lit up the Yule Ball
My heart pushed against a wall
Just frozen staring here in the Great Hall

I'd like to make myself believe
That she would look back at me
It's hard to say that I'd rather leave than see her here with him
but everything is never as it seems (with hermione)

I've gotten a thousand hugs
just tonight from Victor Krum
that Durmstrang boy who gave me a chance
but something just isn't right
it's not how I viewed tonight
I wasted time waiting for Ron's invite

I'd like to make myself believe
that stupid boy would ask me
it's hard to say cause he's stubborn and a pig and fights with me
but everything is never as it seems (with ron weasley)

Oh Ronald Weasley you're the worst
please take me away from here
Maybe next time you should ask me first
please take me away from here
Victor's dumb but he treats me right
please take me away from here
now excuse me while I enjoy my night

cause I'd cast a thousand charms
she makes me feel so unarmed
I wonder if Harry's noticed yet
oh he can be such a swine
and even though she's not mine
I wont give up, these things just take time

I'd like to make myself believe
that someday you'll fall for me
It's not like I'm gonna tell you
to your face or anything
but 'till it happens I'll still have my dreams (of you and me)

I'd like to make myself believe
that someday you'd fall for me
It's not like I'm gonna tell you
to your face or anything
because I'm too afraid you'd disagree