50 before 33.

1. Visit Chile
2. Go on a road trip across the US
3. go to disney world & the wizarding world in florida
4. swim with dolphins and/or whales
5. travel to england and search for magic
6. learn to speak spanish
7. go sky diving
8. visit the great barrier reef
9. go to a pub in Scotland or Ireland
10. go zorbing in New Zealand
11. Join the Peace Corps
12. make a full length documentary
13. get a tattoo
14. learn to change my own oil, pump my own gas, and change a tire
15. become fluent in french, portuguese, or german.
16. learn to read and write in latin and/or sanskrit.
17. take a dance class
18. watch a sunset on the beach with someone i love
19. get married
20. participate in NANOWRIMO
21. audition for a reality show
22. see the northern lights
23. take my grandmother to paris and my mother to Jamaica
24. mend my relationship with my sister
25. run 5 miles without stopping
26. swim 1 mile in the ocean w/out stopping
27. learn to surf
28. see a broadway musical
29. learn to play the piano or the violin
30. learn to drive a stick shift
31. get into a fight
32. stop biting mu nails
33. get drunk
34. spend a christmas/ new years in NYC
35. hold a baby tiger
36. go to school on the east coast
37. ride an elephant
38. take the subway to the beach
39. kiss somebody in the rain
40. become a certified lifeguard
41. backpack across europe
42. learn how to cook
43. pitch an idea for a television show
44. see snow
45. jump off a cliff
46. have a picnic by a waterfall
47. find my calling
48. take more pictures and write more
49. try my hand in acting
50. disappear for at least a week

spare change.

Lately, i've been having the feeling that this year is going to be significant. Like this year something is going to happen or change. Not for the good or for the worse, but just in general. I think about what in store for me this year, what choices and opportunities have already been thrown at me, and how much has changed already, and i feel more than a bit overwhelmed. But i know that its time for things to change, i want them to change;I need them to change. I am very scared though. because change isn't always good. But i know its for the better in the end. Things don't always work out as we plan, but they do work out in some way, and i guess all we can do in life is take change in stride and move on and try to make things work.

This year is going to be different. significant. potentially beautiful and potentially tragic. I think i'm ready. No, i know i am.

but i'm still scared. but then again, maybe we're always meant to be.

ma vie est une montagne de rouge.

life is a rollercoaster, that much is true.

but i'm scared of rollercoasters.

terrified actually.

anticipation, a build up and then a fall.
scream, cry, hold you're breath until you turn blue.
panic attacks that lead to astham attacks.

thats how a rollercoaster feels like to me.

i'm yelling at the attendant, telling him to lift the bar, i can't handle this, i'm not brave enough, i want off, please get me off.

but no one listens.the ride starts and i sit there a helpless wreck.



couldn't we have just ridden the carousel instead?

sleepovers. (

So today, my sister went to a sleepover. My mother never ever ever, let me go to a sleepover.(*bitter*) But she DID let me go to thailand, ( which doesnt make sense to me) so i honestly can't complain. i know she didnt let us go because she was worried. I had to convince her to let my sister go. which i did because i want my sister to be able to experience a sleepover, something i've never gotten to.which leads me to the subject of this blog: my ongoing desire for a sleepover. i've seen all the movies where a bunch of friends have a big sleepover, with games and food, and girly things. It just looks like something that is an important part of being young. i've always wanted to stay up late w/ friends, do each others make-up, play silly games and things like that. so yeah, this year i shall make it my mini goal to sleepover at someones house. it's about time.

"which road do i take?"

Alice came to a fork in the road.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
"Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat.
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."

-Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

putting Harry Potter into anything makes it that much better.

proof of course:

to the tune of fireflies by owl city. i don't really like the original, but this version makes me smile every time. The name of the band is ALL CAPS. [ ] a ron/hermione story. ' Lumos Flies'



the lyrics:

You would not believe your eyes
I know that it sounds unwise
she's so smart and yeah, she's just a friend

But she lit up the Yule Ball
My heart pushed against a wall
Just frozen staring here in the Great Hall

I'd like to make myself believe
That she would look back at me
It's hard to say that I'd rather leave than see her here with him
but everything is never as it seems (with hermione)

I've gotten a thousand hugs
just tonight from Victor Krum
that Durmstrang boy who gave me a chance
but something just isn't right
it's not how I viewed tonight
I wasted time waiting for Ron's invite

I'd like to make myself believe
that stupid boy would ask me
it's hard to say cause he's stubborn and a pig and fights with me
but everything is never as it seems (with ron weasley)

Oh Ronald Weasley you're the worst
please take me away from here
Maybe next time you should ask me first
please take me away from here
Victor's dumb but he treats me right
please take me away from here
now excuse me while I enjoy my night

cause I'd cast a thousand charms
she makes me feel so unarmed
I wonder if Harry's noticed yet
oh he can be such a swine
and even though she's not mine
I wont give up, these things just take time

I'd like to make myself believe
that someday you'll fall for me
It's not like I'm gonna tell you
to your face or anything
but 'till it happens I'll still have my dreams (of you and me)

I'd like to make myself believe
that someday you'd fall for me
It's not like I'm gonna tell you
to your face or anything
because I'm too afraid you'd disagree

New Years.

i really dislike new years. it scares the crap out of me. i always feel like the world is going to end. like as we count down to midnight, we're really counting down to our impending doom. i KNOW nothing is going to happen, and that it is already tomorrow in other places, but i STILL get all nervous. What makes it worse is my family always stays home for new years and it just gives me time to think about different ways the world might end. I wish i could go to a party or like someone else's house for new years so that way at least i could be distracted. *sigh*

well here's to another year of butterflies!

haha
xoxoxo